The world according to Dreamwind

Veal and herb sausage rolls

2009-10-11T11:39:43Z

I had some veal mince in the fridge to make meatballs... but I've eaten too many meatballs lately. I also had some leftover sheets of shortcrust pastry in the freezer (when you have to make a large mound of triangular pasties, shop-bought sheets of pastry are better than making the pastry by hand). So here is what I did:

500g veal mince (or any sort of mince)
1 large onion
1 egg
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 tsp mixed herbs
Salt
Pepper
2 sheets shortcrust pastry
Glaze made from tbs cornstarch and 2 tbs water

Preheat oven to 220 degrees celcius.

Dice onion. Mix mince, onion, egg, bread crumbs, herbs, salt and pepper in a bowl with your hands.

Cut each sheet of pastry in half. Brush the edge of one of the halves with the glaze, then spoon the mince mix on the opposite edge and roll up the pastry. Make sure the edges are securely pressed down. Continue until you've run out of pastry and mince mix.

Cut each sausage tube into thirds or quarters, then lay on a tray with the join side down. Brush with glaze and sprinkle with poppy seeds or sesame seeds (or any herb or spice you think would work).

Bake in the really hot oven for 15 minutes. Then turn the oven down to 190 degrees celcius, and bake for a further 20 minutes.

***

They were a bit dry and under salted. The dryness could be overcome by including bacon, or dunking in tomato sauce, which would also help with the seasoning.

I really need a better cooking icon.

Where I've been lately

2009-09-23T12:54:47Z

You will be pleased to know I haven't been swallowed up in the dust storm that engulfed eastern Australia this morning. Though a lot of it was deposited in my lungs.

I've been Creating. At the end of October, I'll be doing a Roman feast, using recipes taken from Apicius (the one who killed himself when he realised he wouldn't be able to live in the manner to which he was accustomed, because he'd eaten away his fortune). I thought it would be interesting if we could get people wearing Roman garb as well, only no one seemed to know much about it, so guess who's been making Roman garb. It's been fun, and there should be pictures soon.

Work on the Seecrut Project (Involving Badgers) also continues, I should actually have the damn thing finished before the end of the year. Possibly even before the end of November. This will make the Worshipful Company of Broiderers very happy.

And if I ever express a desire to undertake a project involving couched gold cord on velvet in an intricate design, I will get someone to lock me in a dark room with a large supply of DVDs, excellent tea, chocolate coated coffee beans and really nice cheese until I see sense.

In the spirit of tiredness

2009-08-30T07:29:47Z

I had a crappy week at work last week. After a couple of weeks of only minor hassles, the fibromyalgia came back and screwed me up. Then a project that's been consuming vast amounts of time turned ugly. But I won't bore you with the details, and don't ask anyway, because I don't like to talk about bad work stuff on my blog. Still, it was bad enough that I broke out some cooking wine when I got home (before anyone freaks about be drinking cheap stuff, my cooking wine is what wine lovers drink. There's no point using crap wine in food).

I've had a bit of a cooking frenzy this weekend. The sumac chicken salad was amazing, the ginger shortbread was lovely, the macaroons... didn't work. I didn't read the bit in the recipe ingredients that said "50g egg whites, beaten to soft peaks", I just read the "50g egg whites" and the macaroons spread into manky, runny globs. They taste OK, but they ain't macaroons. I'll be trying the lamb shanks tomorrow.

Still, the cooking frenzy has worn me out. When the time came to go to the Baronial gathering this afternoon, the thought of getting up made me whimper. My head had the staticky feel that fibro gives me*, so I decided to stay home and veg. And scour the internet for stuff. I'm thinking I need a proper mixer - I have a hand held one that's OK, but gets mighty tedious when whipping egg whites. And you can't do bread with it. I really, really want one of these - a href="http://www.catererswarehouse.com.au/product.asp?pID=2743&cID=270" target="_blank"> a Kitchen Aid Ultra Power Mixer</a>. The whopping price tag is a worry, but the thing will probably last for years, and it comes with a range of awesome gadgets, and you can even get an ice cream maker attachment. Guess I'll have to start saving.

Oh yeah... I've meant to post about one of my culinary creations from last week - coffee jelly. I'm thinking that jelly is fun to play with, and relatively simple once you work out how to handle gelatine. I need to strain the coffee a bit more (some of the espresso grounds sneaked in), and it won't appeal to everyone - surprisingly, non coffee drinkers liked it more than coffee drinkers. Many people just couldn't get their head around coffee in the texture of jelly.

* Honestly, "head full of static electricity" is the best way I can describe the sort of tiredness fibromyalgia causes. It's not like the weariness you get when you've been working hard, or not sleeping. Other people describe it as "fibro fog." Whatever, it's not pleasant, and people don't always believe you when you say something's wrong.

Keen-ness!

2009-08-15T13:22:03Z

Lately, I've been doing a fair amount of research into Roman garb (specifically late Republic / early Imperial). This is because we're doing a feast with Roman food at the end of October, and I'm aiming to put together a simple guide to Roman garb so everyone can be spiffily dressed.

Roman garb seems to have many advantages for SCAdians, especially those on a budget. For women, it looks like you can get away with just 6m of material for a complete outfit based entirely on rectangles... and cotton can be PERIOD, not just what you use because it's what you can afford. Footwear is mostly sandles, which can be bought cheaply from second-hand shops, and you can get pretty decent jewellery from cheap chain stores. Of course, one of those rectangles of material basically immobilises one arm, which is a drawback.

At last weekend's cooking afternoon, I measured up the attendees and we talked a bit about fabric and construction. I checked my email this afternoon to find one of those young women has bought her material and wants to know how to put it together.

I haven't yet completely worked this out. Ye gods, these young 'uns are keen!

This will spur me to actually sit down and work out the construction, if nothing else. And I have to say, it's really quite humbling to know I'm helping to inspire people.

On Wednesday, I put a post on the Baronial mailing list asking for a male guinea pig to volunteer to have garb made (if he pays for the material). I've had several responses - I'll be looking at new people first. For starters, they need more help with garb, and people who've been around for a while and "always wanted to try Roman stuff" could always have tried it themselves... Or maybe I'll ask for a small commission.

The long awaited review... of Twilight

2009-08-03T11:26:35Z

For the last couple of months, Sunday nights have been my favourite TV night. Starting at 6:30 on Channel 10, we've had Merlin, followed by Master Chef. And yes, I'm aware that Merlin is basically soft-core for adolescent girls. And this is a bad thing because...?

But Merlin finished last week, and Master Chef the week before, so last night Channel 10 inflicted Eragon on us. Well, you know my opinion of that piece of... umm... stuff, so there was no way I was sitting through the movie. Besides, I was cooking Chicken Yakitori and reading one of the wonderful Christine Manfield's books.

But it did make me realise... I promised a review of Twilight some time ago, so here goes.

Phoenix girl Bella Swan decides to go and live with her dad, even though she doesn't really feel much for him and isn't keen on the town where she will be living. But when she arrives in the small town of Forks, she is immediately attracted to the indescribably georgeous Edward Cullen, who turns out to be a vampire. He is also attracted to Bella, because she smells nice. He can't be around her because she's so attractive and he's afraid he will hurt her, but this doesn't stop him from sneaking into her bedroom at night. Edward and Bella moon over each other for several hundred pages, before some bad guys turn up and threaten Bella and Edward has to kill them. The End.

A few years ago, I couldn't get hold of my usual lavender bubble bath, so I bought another brand which people raved about, and cost more than the other brand. It was a metallic, sparkly purple syrup, which was hard to get out of the bottle, didn't really smell of lavender and brought me out in a terrible rash.

And that, folks, is a perfect analogy for Twilight.

You know what really annoys me about Twilight? It isn't the unbelievably purple prose. It isn't the fact that Bella's a two-dimensional, boring, irritatingly clumsy twerp. It isn't that Edward's a creepy stalker who deserves to be staked.

No.

None of those things.

This book is so FUCKING BORING.

As I said in my synopsis, for the first few hundred pages you have Bella and Edward mooning over each other. He's dangerous, she doesn't care, he can't stay away, neither can she. And then the bad guys turn up, literally like a bolt of lightning (arriving during a thunderstorm). It's almost as though Meyer was happily typing away about her vision of the perfect man, before suddenly deciding she'd better wrap this thing up. Pass me a bucket, would you?

And yes, I'm fully aware the lovers of Twilight are essentially the target audience of Merlin, which I adored. I may explain why sometime.

And while you're passing me the bucket, better pass me the calamine lotion, too, so I can apply it to the bubblebath rash. I think Meyer may have invented a whole new shade of purple with her prose. Like many purple prosers, Meyer needed to throw away her thesaurus and pick up a dictionary. There is so much verbosity, and misused language, it makes Eragon look good by comparison. And Edward is indescribably beautiful - we are told so. Doesn't stop Meyer (through Bella) from trying. Over and over. For a good third of the book, I'd estimate. Yes, Meyer, we get the guy turns you (and your character) on. Why not try giving us some story?

For a book that's told in first-person, Bella has got to be one of the most two-dimensional characters ever. Actually, it's insulting to stick figures to call Bella two-dimensional. She moons and swoons, trips over everything in sight, gets into dangerous situations a lemming would know to avoid, and cooks. That's it. Actually, I wouldn't really mind the domestic stuff, but she's no gourmet cook. Oh, and she's stuck up, too. When she first goes to her new school, she's very condescending towards her classmates, because she's from the Big City and they aren't, and they are actually really nice to her.

Still, she almost deserves Edward. He might be georgeous. He sparkles in the sunlight (I need another bucket). He might try to be a "good vampire" who doesn't hunt humans. But he's a borderline abusive, controlling stalker. He thinks nothing of sneaking into Bella's room at night (and she's OK with this), telling her she doesn't know much, and "smirking" at her. That's Meyer's word; she might have wanted a more interesting word for "smile." But to me, it's one of the most unconsiously awesome misuses of words ever, because "smirk" is such an appropriate action of the smug, patronising creep.

Oh, in the later books, Edward cuts Bella off from friends and family for her protection, and when they finally consumate their relationship (with an elipsis and a blank space) Bella wakes up with bruises and broken bones, in a bed with a smashed headboard. Yes, people, physical violence is fine so long as he loves you. Edward just couldn't control himself, could he?

We haters of Twilight like to amuse ourselves by daydreaming up what might happen if Edward was to encounter some other characters from popular culture. My friend Magdalena, who loaned me the book, has a t-shirt with the legend "And then Buffy staked Edward. The end." rdm_zn sent me a spiffy reworking of a scene from the movie - Edward and Bella are smooching, with Blade in the background about to go into slay mode.

My own fantasy involves the various vampires from The Dresden Files. At first I thought it would be lovely if Edward were to wind up the devoted, mindless sex-slave of Lara Raith, Queen of the White Court. She would soon get bored and kill him (perhaps passing him to her cousin Madeline who's into snuff). But the trouble is, Edward actually seems to love Bella the wobbly line, so he might wind up killing Lara, and that would be a pity, because Lara's cool, and he's not. So now, I'd like Edward to come across Mavra, (likely) Queen of the Black Court. She'd have no problem with the love thing, but would hate that he tries to be a "good vampire." And she'd turn him to the Black Court, so then he'd be ugly and insane and non-sparkly, and Harry Dresden could waste him.

Cookbooks, coverups and conspiracies, with a side order of shape-shifting aliens

2009-07-24T13:54:22Z

It's really weird... MasterChef Australia has been over for a week, yet the forums are still running hot discussing the show. The main topic up for discussion is the "conspiracy" behind ensuring the "right" person won the competition.

Basically, all the conspiracies boil down to the fact that the eventual winner, Julie, was a "home cook" who won because she would appeal to the broadest demographic; part of the prize is a cookbook deal, so the theory is Julie will sell the most books and the producers will make a bucketload of money, more than they would had any of the other contestants had won. The fact that all the judges are either world renowned chefs or food critics who would not be putting their reputations on the line doesn't enter into it.*

But I'm not writing today about MasterChef conspiracies. One commenter on the forum posted this little gem:

I believe there was a conspiracy to kill JFK

I believe there was a conspiracy to kill Martin Luther King

I believe FDR knew about the impending attack on Pearl Harbour up to 8 months in advance

I believe that there was prior knowledge of the events on 9/11 and that forces within the administration allowed it to happen......a new Pearl Harbour

If I can believe the big conspiracies then I can certainly believe that a reality TV show was rigged.

Egad.

Some people scare me. Good thing this person didn't mention the moon landing, or I'd be really worried.

And that's why I'm posting, to firmly express my disgust in 2 of those conspiracy theories. I do believe the official explanation behind JFK's assassination was rubbish, and I also believe there was more to Martin Luther King's assassination.** But the Pearl Harbour thing? 9/11? Please, will these people grow another brain, or at least learn to use the one they have?

For those of you who don't know about the Pearl Harbour conspiracy theory, it boils down to this. The Establishment knew months in advance the attack on Pearl Harbour was coming, and let it happen because they wanted to go to war with Hitler and the Japanese, and they needed the justification and the public outrage. Even the Australians knew the attack was coming and warned the US. A few days before the attack, the aircraft carriers based in Pearl Harbour were redeployed, and the Japanese admiralty later stated these were major targets of the attack. But they weren't there, so they weren't destroyed. But the eight battleships (the core of the Pacific fleet) weren't redeployed; five either badly damaged or sunk outright and the others were also damaged, with catastrophic loss of life. When the attack was reported to FDR, he appeared "relieved, almost serene," and in 1944, Eleanor Roosevelt said in an interview the government knew an attack was coming from the Japanese.

Let's debunk the Eleanor and FDR demeanour "evidence" first. Oh, please. Anyone with half a brain suspected the Japanese would attack the US at some stage. They'd been expanding in the Pacific for several years prior to 1941, and in 1937 sunk a US gunboat during their expansion into China. FDR had been quietly implementing naval building programs to counter Japanese expansion. Yes, he wanted Hitler stopped, and believed the war with Japan was inevitable. But it is a HUGE leap from "war with Japan is coming" to "we know the Japanese are going to bomb Pearl Harbour on December 7 1941." The US had bases throughout the Pacific, including a large forward base at the Phillipines. US planning did not anticipate an attack on Pearl Harbour, at least in part because they didn't think the Japanese were audacious enough (racist superiority on the part of the US and Britain against the Japanese was a big reason for their early success), and also because the forward bases were considered a more likely target. And as for FDR appearing "calm, almost serene" on hearing the news, remember this is a man who wept when the Phillipines were attacked a few weeks later. An attack that was expected, and had been prepared for (and yet still caught Douglas Macarthur by surprise). A man who literally worked himself into his grave leading the US through the war. Is it not more likely that FDR wasn't serene, he was in utter shock at the news of the devastating attack?

But what about the redeployment of the aircraft carriers, and the sinking of the battleships? To understand why this is bunkum you need to have some knowledge of military thinking (and having a brain helps, too). Naval doctrine at the time held that battleships were the main weapon of any navy, and those battleships represented the main strikepower of the Pacific Fleet. Had the US Navy known exactly when the attack was coming, and where, the battleships would have been redeployed to get them out of the way. It's a fundamental military truth: you just don't allow your enemy to destroy your most potent weapons to generate public outrage and justify going to war. Trust me on this one.

Ultimately, WWII demonstrated that battleships weren't as versatile as aircraft carriers, and were vulnerable to air attack, which is partially why conspiracy theorists latch on to their redeployment as "evidence" for a conspiracy. But in 1941, in western military thinking, the potential of aircraft carriers was just that: potential. They were primarily seen as long range reconnaissance platforms. The Japanese were streets ahead in recognising just how potent a weapon aircraft carriers actually were. What do you think they used to launch the aircraft that bombed Pearl Harbour in the first place? And even the Japanese thought battleships were more important than aircraft carriers. As important a target as the US aircraft carriers were to the Japanese, the destruction of the US battleships was seen as even more crucial ... again, something conspiracy theorists gloss over.

And that deployment that "conveniently" got the US aircraft carriers out of Pearl Harbour? They were a) ferrying aircraft to those US forward bases I mentioned earlier, where the Japanese attacks were anticipated, and b) carrying out long range surveillance on Japanese movements. They weren't just moved to get them out of the way.

Post war analysis has shown that US military intelligence had gathered information that predicted the Pearl Harbour attack. But hindsight is always perfect. In those days before computer modelling, electronic surveillance and instantaneous communications, intelligence reports were written and collated by hand. Predicting the attack would have required some analyst to read all the right reports, make the right conclusions, convince his superiors of his conclusions, which contradicted all military planning, and finally convince the Navy commanders that the stupid yellow monkeys were intending something completely unexpected (as I said earlier, attitudes towards the Japanese prior to the war were extremely racist, and most US and British commanders were convinced the Japanese were ... stupid yellow monkeys). Subsequent enquiries have highlighted incompetence in commanders and overconfidence in Japanese capabilities ... and overly excessive control of intelligence. The Army didn't always pass on its intelligence to the Navy, and vice versa. The British didn't let the US know what it had found out, and vice versa.

As for the Australian intelligence reports on Pearl Harbour... let's just say the only reason the US High Command didn't think of Australians as stupid yellow monkeys was because Australians are mostly white.

My last debunk of the Great Pearl Harbour Conspiracy comes not from analysis of what did and didn't happen, but simple understanding of attitudes. Come on, people! Pearl Harbour was not just some poxy base in a foreign country. It is United States sovereign territory. It was the Pacific Command Headquarters. If the Navy had known about the attack but weren't sure they could stop it, all they had to do was pull out the ships, and the simple fact the Japanese dared attack US soil would have generated the required outrage. Or they could have sent the ships out to meet the attack, stopped it, and then said, "hey, those stupid yellow monkeys dared attack us, but we stopped them, let's finish them off!" Chester Nimitz later said this would have been a disastrous tactic, but he was speaking from hindsight, after he'd learned not to underestimate the Japanese.

Part of the problem with WWII conspiracy theories is the known actions of Allied leaders; they often made harsh decisions in the name of expediency, and I'm not just talking about the Manhattan Project or firebombing German cities. There is irrefutable evidence (namely release of declassified British cabinet documents) the British High Command had foreknowledge of the bombing of Coventry, because they'd broken the German Enigma codes. But orders came from the top (to whit, Winston Churchill) to stay silent to keep the Germans from finding out the codes were broken, even though it cost thousands of civilian lives (they weren't strategically important). There is a theory that British intelligence knew of the attack on Pearl Harbour, but Churchill ordered the information not be passed on. I can believe this of Churchill, who was a totally ruthless bastard and wanted the US in the war - in Europe. He was a lot less concerned about Asia and the Pacific, even though a lot of it was in the British Empire. Whether Churchill would have risked the US ignoring Europe to concentrate on the Pacific is problematic, even given the German-Japanese alliance (which was already shaky).

As for 9/11, there's two conspiracies. The first, less over the top one, claims the US authorities knew the attack was coming and did nothing to stop it. The second, more outrageous theory, states the US authorities staged the attack themselves and manufactured all the evidence. The intended result of both conspiracies was the same - to generate outrage and justify the case for war.

The big problem with debunking the 9/11 conspiracy theories is George W. Bush. It's easy to believe anything of The Shrub - after all, his WMDs were clearly shown to be built of smoke, and a man who will spruike fake intelligence to justify one war is easily capable of putting together another conspiracy to justify another.

But I just can't buy the 9/11 conspiracies. 9/11, like Pearl Harbour, was simply too catastrophic for the intended result. Maybe I'm giving The Shrub too much credit, but I can't believe even he would authorise the deaths of over 3,000 people, and a serious blow to the US economy, to justify a war. Had they known about the attack, it would have been easy to stop the bombers before they got on the planes, put them on trial, and let the evidence generate the outrage.

Thing is, yes, the intelligence community suspected there was a terrorist attack planned on US soil for weeks - that's been admitted, and it didn't take people long to join the dots after the event. But surely, no one in their worst nightmares could have predicted what actually happened. I remember waking up, hearing the news and thinking it was all a giant con, until my mother told me she'd been listening to the reports all night, and we watched the broadcast on the morning TV. I think here, you have the same issue as you had with Pearl Harbour - lots of evidence pointing towards an attack, too much evidence to sift through in time, pointing to an attack no one was expecting... and similar racist attitudes. Besides, the same bureaucratic infighting that existed in WWII and prevented intelligence sharing existed here, as highlighted by inquiries, and the sharing only took place after the event. As I said earlier, hindsight is always perfect.

Some theorists argue the planes could have been intercepted and shot down before they reached their targets, and even insist the Air Force was ordered to stand down. However, the terrorists had switched off the transponders, meaning there was no way of finding the rogue aircraft aside from radar - and there would have been hundreds, if not thousands, of radar targets. Also, these aircraft were under civilian control, not military. Even if the civilian authorities had immediately notified military authorities there was a problem, they still had to work out which radar blips were the suspect planes, and then military jets had to scramble to intercept. I don't know how many jets would have been in striking distance... I do know military jets aren't kept in a state of constant readiness in peactime, and it takes a while to get them ready.

Then there's the Pentagon theory - this one's French, and argues a plane couldn't possibly have hit the Pentagon, the hole was too small, it was a missile. Umm, yeah, right, wings wouldn't shear off when they hit a whacking great lump of concrete. The large number of people who saw the impact were mistaken. The black boxes and the bodies of the passengers were planted, as was the aircraft debris on site. And the US military's really going to authorise a hit on its primary facility.

Flight 93, the one that "crashed" in Pennsylvania, didn't actually crash because passengers tried to regain control from the terrorists. No, it was shot down. Because the passengers had discovered the conspiracy and had to be silenced. The aircraft broke up a lot, and they only do that if they're shot down, not if they impact the ground at speed. Some of the debris, mostly paper, was found miles away from the crash site, and could only have gotten there if it had fallen from a great height, as in, from a plane getting shot out of the sky. Couldn't possibly have been blown by the wind.

Oh, but Flight 93 didn't actually crash! It landed safely in Ohio, and all the passengers were rushed into a sort of witness protection, and none of them have been outed. The conspiracy is that good.

Actually, there weren't any terrorists on board any of the flights - it was all done by remote control. Boeing is lying when they say their planes can't be controlled remotely, control can only occur on the flight deck. The Boeing executives are in on the whole thing, too.

There weren't even any planes, they were missiles, and those images of the World Trade Centre explosions show holograms.

In reality, 9/11 was another Jewish conspiracy. Seriously.

Or maybe it was part of the Homosexual Agenda. Haven't yet found any evidence, but I wouldn't put anything past those wicked, wicked homos.

No, really, 9/11 was set up by David Icke's repilitian shapeshifting Illuminati to further their plans of world domination. George W. Bush is reputedly one of them (which might explain a lot).

Perhaps Jews, Gays and Illuminati got together and pooled their resources...

I think I'll stop now before I drown in my own sarcasm.

In essence, what do I really think about the 9/11 conspiracies? It was too big. Too many people were involved in the investigation, and the supposed setup - like the flight instructors who thought it weird that students showed no interest in landing and taking off, or the people who saw the planes crash. Now that George W. Bush is a bad memory (or perhaps, a really bad case of food poisoning, the effects of which are still being felt), and his whole administration tarnished, surely someone, somewhere would have come forward with evidence it was all a conspiracy, no matter how much pressure was being applied. Unless George W. Bush really is a shape-shifting reptillian alien with mind control powers.

So there's my personal debunk of 2 of the great historical conspiracy theories. I'm not expecting to convince any conspiracy theorists they're wrong, because as Sleek Geek Dr Karl Kruszelnicki says, conspiracy theorists willingly exist in a vaccum of perfect ignorance, and won't allow anything to penetrate said vacuum.***

* For what it's worth, I do think that some of the other contestants have more potential than Julie to be truly great chefs. But based on what I watched, Julie is an awesome cook, and so what if she has no pretensions towards Michelin stars, but just wants to open a popular, family-oriented restaurant? I want to eat her food.

** And there was definitely more behind Bobby Kennedy's assassination too. But most popular conspiracy theorists don't know about that one, because he was only a presidential candidate, and Sirhan fired at least some of the shots, so it's harder to come up with a Kewl theory.

*** That's something of a paraphrase, I can't remember his exact quote. He was talking about the Great Moon Landing Conspiracy; his main evidence debunking that theory is the thousands of people all over the world who were responsible for the success of the moon landing, none of whom has come forward to say it was all a hoax.

The gluten free life.

2009-07-23T09:07:01Z

You may be one of the growing number of people adopting a gluten free life, for whatever reason. Maybe you've been tested and discovered you're coeliac (or perhaps you have 2 of the 4 coeliac genes and you've decided that's too high a risk). Maybe you have Crohn's Disease or Colitis and gluten is one of your triggers (like it is for many of us). Maybe you have a psychosomatic reaction to gluten. Maybe you've just decided gluten free is healthier. Whatever. Here are some very simple rules to follow.

Don't whine about how hard it is to avoid gluten, particularly to other gluten-intolerants. WE KNOW. And we know how to deal with it. We've bought the gluten-free ingredients booklet from the Coeliac Society, or we've learned to read labels. We cope. Do the same. And this may astonish you, but people who aren't gluten intolerant don't really care.

Learn to cook. There is a surprising number of easy meals that don't involve gluten, and you can easily avoid the gluten in bottled pasta sauces etc by learning to make your own. It's tastier, cheaper and healthier, because you avoid all the extra salt, sugar and preservatives that go into those things. And no, making bolognese sauce from scratch does not take a long time.

If you don't like rice, either shut up about it or learn to like it.

If you are going to occasionally indulge in gluten food (yes, I do this, very occasionally) be aware of the affect it will have, plan for it, and don't whine about it.

For the love of kitty cats, STOP EATING NORMAL BREAD, PIES, SAUSAGE ROLLS, HAMBURGERS, DONUTS AND THOSE GODAWFUL CHICKEN SCHNITZEL THINGS if you have decided to go completely gluten free. If you really are that intolerant, there are no half-measures. You either avoid all gluten or you don't. And no, only eating "2 or 3 slices of bread a day and the odd hamburger" isn't avoiding gluten. Following this rule is particularly important if you are going to constantly violate rule #1, if you want to avoid snarky remarks from other gluten intolerants.

Hi, everyone...

2009-07-22T11:26:11Z

I know, I know, it's been over 2 months since I posted...

Sorry about that.

Truth is, I haven't had the 'puter on much in those 2 months. If you have any news you think I should know, drop me a comment and also feel free to berate me for my long silence.

If you want to know where I've been, like literally millions of Australians for the past few months, I was glued to the TV watching MasterChef Australia. This show has been a phenomenon - the final on Sunday night was officially the third highest rating show in Australian broadcast history. Yes, a COOKING SHOW. And a REALITY TV COMPETITION COOKING SHOW at that. TV commentators and network executives have been falling all over themselves wondering why the Hell a cooking competition has been such popular TV; for me, I love food and cooking shows and always watch them (unless it's a Gordon Ramsay show, in which case I want to throw things because I don't like him). The cooks were all amateurs, but generally had great skill - these were ordinary people, doing something that just about everyone does each day - cook. And most people like to try to make their food enjoyable. The three judges were knowledgable, and good judges - they praised good efforts, but when food was rubbish, they said so, and gave valid reasons as to why.

So after MasterChef (and the nightly discussion with my mother and/or brother, because they both liked it too), I would look through my growing collection of food books, dreaming up new things to cook. And yes, I have cooked a lot in the past few months. Here's a tip, though - monster cooking sessions beginning around 8:30 at night aren't recommended. Especially when you are incapable of leaving the washing up. Especially when you have to work next day. And especially when you have fibromyalgia and need sleep.

But now, if you;ll excuse me, I've just found a Japanese grocer in Sydney who has an online mail order service. And I'm still looking for somewhere that has Australian bushfoods for sale online.

Still more cooking adventures

2009-05-19T12:48:28Z

Just ordered more stuff from Amazon. And the last order hasn't even shipped yet. Oh well. The latest order was relatively small for me, books about the spice trade and spices in medieval cooking (and one on Roman clothing).

I had to sneer at one of the reviewers for The Spice Route, who insisted that the author obviously knows little about spices as he called cubeb a pepper. Even though it's in the Piper genus, it's not a pepper, apparently.

And here was me, thinking that "pepper" was the general term applied to spices derived from plants of the Piper genus. And all my spice books that class cubeb as pepper are clearly wrong as well. It must be nice to know you're right when the rest of the world is wrong.

On Sunday night I did a Tudor chicken recipe, Chicken in a Lemon Sauce. It was really tasty, though I made it with drumsticks. This was a bit of a mistake; you braise the chicken, which makes the skin fall off during cooking, so it looked somewhat manky on the plate. If I make it for myself again, I will probably use chicken thigh fillets, because they braise beautifully and don't go manky. However, for SCA feasts, I imagine drumsticks will be fine, as in the dim lighting a manky appearance won't be as much of a turn off.

Tonight I made my good old Garlic Soup for dinner (yum yum 25 cloves of garlic I will still smell it a week from now), which meant I had 3 egg whites hanging around. My freezer already has quite a few frozen egg whites, so I decided to have another shot at making some coffee meringues (second time I've ever tried anything meringue). The first time I used too wide a bowl, so I couldn't beat the egg whites properly. This time I used a much narrower bowl and the meringues turned out much better - they didn't run everywhere. And they taste really good, too. They're still a bit too crisp for my liking; I just found a cooking tip to lower the cooking temperature when you put them in the oven, which crisps the outside while leaving the inside still slightly gooey.

Chicken with Orange or Lemon Sauce
Sourced from Tudor Cookery by Peter Brears

500g chicken pieces / chicken thigh fillets
250 mL/1 cup chicken stock
Currants to taste (recipe says 50g, I just use lots because I like currants)
4-5 dates, cut into slices
2-4 lemons, depending on size and preference for lemon flavour
Black pepper to taste
1 tsp blade mace, ground
3 tbs sugar
125 mL / 1/2 cup white wine
Olive oil
White bread, crusts removed and cut into cubes

1. Skin and deseed the lemons and cut into segments, removing as much of the inner peel as possible.
2. Heat the olive oil in the pan and brown the chicken. *
3. Pour the stock over the chicken, topping with water if necessary, so the chicken is covered. Bring to the boil and simmer until the chicken is tender.
4. Drain about half of the cooking liquid off, then add the currants, dates and lemon segments, and simmer for about 5 minutes.
5. Add the pepper, mace, sugar and wine, and simmer for a further 5-10 minutes.
6. Pour the chicken and sauce over the bread cubes, and serve.

NOTES
* The recipe doesn't specify to brown the chicken, but chicken pieces that aren't browned first look REALLY unappetising.
* Don't use breast fillets. They don't have much fat and thus don't braise well.
* You can use oranges in place of lemons. If so, replace the white wine with claret.
* I cooked this with fennel, adding it to dish at step 3. YUM.

But right now, I'm hunting for recipes for tea-smoked duck breast. And even though it's quite late, I think I'll have another coffee meringue.

Curse you, Amazon

2009-05-13T12:12:10Z

Dear Amazon,

I have just posted an order for over $AU200.

I do not need to "treat myself to a little something," thankyou.

But right now, Tilly is demanding Love. She has trapped a hand and is headbutting me. And kneading ferociously.

Some words on bullying

2009-05-08T12:01:57Z

This post was prompted by two things.

First, the news that two girls have been expelled from an exclusive school for cyber-bullying. This can't erase the damage their vicious attacks have caused, but good on the school for acting promptly. I certainly hope this follows those two preshus girls wherever they go.

Second, this post from the from the ever awesome naamah_darling, about the horrific damage verbal bullying can cause, and I back naamah up 110% when she says that telling a victim to turn the other cheek is probably the worst thing you can do.

For whatever reason it occurs, bullying is wrong. Maybe you're jealous that some girl has sprouted breasts before you have. Maybe you feel threatened by someone's intellect or sporting prowess. Maybe your parents are divorcing, or your dog just died, and you need to lash out. Maybe it's hormones. Maybe you're being bullied yourself. Whatever. Don't care. The minute you strike someone who's done nothing to you, whether physically or verbally, with the express intent to harm that person, you have become a stain on society. And if you're a victim of someone else's bullying, more shame on you.

I was a victim of bullying throughout most of my school life, to the point where I still have intimacy issues and allowing people to get close. To say nothing of still trying to sort out my self-image and ideas of my own attractiveness. I have fond daydreams of dipping parts of my tormentors into hot oil, and I've often shocked people by saying there's about 5 people of my school year (out of about 120) that I wouldn't waterboard given the opportunity. No, I'm not kidding when I say that. Nearly 20 years later, the wounds inflicted are still very, very raw.

Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream, born of the frustration and despair that comes from being singled out as "different" and treated badly. But unlike King, my dream is not uplifting and inspiring. I dream of a huge complex enclosed by barbed wire, out in the middle of the Simpson Desert, where it's always unbearably hot during the day and very cold at night. All the buildings are made of corrugated iron, there's no air conditioning, and very basic amenities. And anyone, any age, any gender, is sent to this place when they bully someone else, for whatever reason and for whatever cause. Whether it be schoolyard bullies. Whether it be abusive spouses or parents. Whether it be nasty bosses. Whether it be men who think they can touch up women whenever they please. They can get let out once they have learned not to bully anyone, ever. Or until they are destroyed by someone else's bullying.

At least bullying is becoming more of an issue these days. School boards are implementing anti-bullying programmes, if only to be seen to be doing something, and it's becoming a media issue. But still, when 11 year olds are driven to suicide and parents feel it necessary to take schools to court for failing to stop the problem, it's clear we have a very, very long way to go.

I've thought a lot over the years about how to deal with bullying. Here's some of what I've come up with, and I will say again, you may find some of what I have to say extreme, especially my last recommendation.

Speak out.
If you're a kid, tell your parents and your teachers. If you're an employee, tell someone in authority at your workplace. If you're being abused by a spouse or parent, go to a hospital, where staff in many countries are required to report abuse (easier said than done... spousal/parental abuse is a topic for its own rant one of these days). If no one listens, tell the tabloid news - at least it's good for something. Keep evidence if possible and tell the police so you can take out a restraining order if necessary.

Find your passion, and pursue it.
Find something you are really, really good at, and pursue it with all your heart. It may not stop the bullying, but it will give you an outlet, bolster your self-esteem and help you love yourself.

Make friends with other victims.
If there are others around you who are being bullied, seek them out and make friends with them if possible. Maybe you think they are weird, or dumb, or whatever. But they are victims, just like you, and you can support each other. And solitary targets are easier to hit.

Don't become part of the problem.
Victims of bullying will often victimise others to try and regain some control. You do this, you make yourself worse than the one tormenting you. And yes, I am very ashamed to admit I've fallen into this category. If I ever see any of the people I lashed out at when I was younger, I hope I have the courage to say "sorry."

Find a support group.
It doesn't matter how "weird," "nerdy," "gay," "fat," "skinny" or whatever you are. With 6,000,000,000,000+ people in this world, there are people who will love you for you. Trust me. I've found them, even if it took me until I was an adult to do it.

Don't modify your behaviour.
If you are being bullied for loving drama or art or any "weird" activities, don't give them up just to make the bullying stop. It won't, and you'll have cut yourself off from something that gives you meaning. Similarly, don't pretend to like music, movies or clothes you don't like. And don't do drugs, or have underage sex, just to make people like you and seem cool. It won't work, and you could wind up with even worse problems.

Don't magnify your behaviour.
This is going to sound like I'm contradicting my last point. What I mean is, if you're being bullied, you may want to act even more strangely "just to show you can." I've done it. Don't make the same mistake. It just gives your tormentors more ammunition, and can give you a rep that drives people away.

And finally...

If you think physically fighting back will help, and you won't be badly hurt by doing so, then BLOODY WELL FIGHT BACK.
People don't commit crimes if they fear the consequences. And bullying IS a crime, make no mistake. If people in positions of power don't do anything, physical violence may be your only recourse. I'm not saying lash out at anyone and everyone. But if bullies are scared, they may stop. And if you get landed with an assault charge, make damn sure everyone knows why you did what you did. Note, I said "may stop." If you're being bullied by a gang, violence probably won't work. But there are cases where it does.

No, I was never violent. I sometimes wish that I been, if only to cause pain to those that were causing me pain. Anyone who thinks that violence can't possibly be a solution has probably never been backed into the corner where they contemplate it, or have been forced into it.

If you think I'm sick for suggesting violence could be a solution, then maybe you should think what has caused me to think this way. And I am not alone. I can think of several people who'd back me up on this one, who will scream "Preach it, sister!" when they read my last suggestion. And there are many, many people expressing the same idea in the articles/posts I've linked to.

Pasty time!

2009-04-25T08:07:45Z

Today, I think I have finally cracked the recipe for Chicken and Leek Pasties, so I am recording it for posterity (this is about attempt #5, I think). It's based on a recipe from the Goodman of Paris (a late 14th century household manual written by a wealthy burgher for his much younger wife). My recipe differs quite a bit from his, and it's taken me a few goes to get it right.

Here's the Goodman's original recipe:
Chickens be set in a pasty on their backs with the breast upward and large slices of bacon on the breast, and then covered.
Item in the Lombard manner, when the chickens be plucked and prepared, take beaten eggs (to wit yolks and whites) with verjuice and spice powder and dip your chickens therin; then set them in the pasty with strips of bacon as above.

Now, the big problem I have with this recipe is, of course, my inability to eat bacon. (Technically I shouldn't eat gluten either but my reaction isn't as bad). But without the bacon, the chicken's very boring by itself. And the Goodman also implies you need breast meat, which is quite dry. However, the solution is to use thigh meat, which has much more fat than the breast. The fat renders down while cooking, meaning the chicken stays moist and flavoursome. I got the idea for adding leeks from Jamie Oliver's Christmas show, where he made a chicken and leek pie that had me wanting to leap into the screen and devour it.

So, without further ado...

Leoba's Chicken and Leek Pasties
1kg packet ready rolled puff pastry (6 sheets)
500g chicken thigh fillets
3 leeks
40g butter
2 eggs
2 tbs verjuice
1 tsp mustard powder
1/2 tsp pepper

Preheat the oven to 200 degrees celcius (390 Farenheit).

Cut the white part of the leeks, and fry in the butter. If necessary, put the fried leeks in a food processor and pulse them for a bit, because you want them well chopped, but not mushy.

Cut the chicken into rough chunks, then combine in a food processor with the eggs, verjuice, mustard and pepper, and process until it's quite finely chopped, but not mushy. You don't want to overprocess the chicken into goo. There should still be visible chunks.

For appetiser sized pasties, cut each pastry square into 9 pieces. Put a teaspoon of leek onto one half of the pastry square, and flatten it slightly, then put a teaspoon of chicken mix on top of the leek. Make sure you leave a gap between the edges of the pastry and the filling. Then fold the pastry square into a triangle, pressing the edges together. Prick the top of each pasty with a fork to allow steam to escape during the cooking process.

For main sized pasties, cut each pastry square into 4 pieces. You can use about 2 desert spoons of leeks and 2 desert spoons of chicken mix. Make up the pasty as above, folding the pastry into a triangle, pressing the edges together, and pricking the top.

Cook for about 15-20 minutes. You may need to swing your trays around halfway through the cooking.

Makes 54 appetiser sized pasties or 24 main sized pasties.

Yum yum yum yum yum...

What I've been doing lately

2009-04-18T11:35:24Z

Hi everyone, I figured it was time I posted an update to let everyone know I'm still alive.

As all Lochacians will know, the Easter weekend means Rowany Festival, which was (mostly) highly enjoyable. And the non-enjoyable bits (centring around other people not washing up their dishes so the campsite had many flies) weren't insurmountable. This year, I took 3 classes - Embroidery For Absolute Beginners, How To Do Effective Research, and The Brew That Fuels the SCA - a Brief History Of Coffee (the full title is important). The research one was greatly appreciated, and there were so many people at the coffee one they spilled out of the tent. So I got nervous and talked too fast, but everyone got a cup of coffee, and found the talk informative (I suspect many people turned up because the word got around there was coffee being handed out).

In the week leading up to Festival, I took a look at my wardrobe and realised I didn't have any cold weather clothing. I spent that week making a wool coat and a wool dress. I didn't need the dress as it turned out, but the coat was invaluable at night. Plus, it completely covers my jammies for the early morning toilet run. The Offensive Gumboots are still on display, but they wouldn't be Offensive Gumboots if they weren't seen. (They are Offensive Gumboots because they are Hello Kitty gumboots - our Baron really doesn't like Hello Kitty, and seeing as it's basically impossible to get plain gumboots for women where I live, I figured I might as well get a really offensive pair). The coat and dress still aren't finished, so I won't be posting pictures of them just yet. The seams aren't finished, they aren't hemmed, and the trim on the dress needs to be sewn down. But the great thing about wool fabric is that you can wear it without hemming it, because it doesn't fray much.

I've also been reading and enjoying the Sookie Stackhouse books, and am currently on my second read of Turn Coat, the latest book in the Dresden Files. Finished Twilight, thank the Gods, and am not going to read the rest of the books. I'm working on a review, but I can only write it a bit at a time, otherwise I start foaming at the mouth. I seriously wonder how anyone can like these books. I think it was a very effective marketing campaign, and Twilight will be somewhat like The Da Vinci Code - hugely popular for a while, then no one thinks about it anymore. I really, really hope so.

On feeding, frolics and manky behaviour

2009-03-30T09:25:33Z

We had our baronial Newcomer's Feast (barbeque) on the weekend. 17 people had said they were going to come, we figured on more than twice that, had around 50 people there, so some people missed out on lamb kebabs. It got to the stage where I was holding back food for the fighters, who wanted to eat after they'd fought, and people got huffy with me. What was really annoying was the fact that all the fighters had booked, and paid, and several of the huffers hadn't booked. Next time, there will be tokens for people who've booked in advance, and everyone else will have to take their chances.

It was still a very good event, and everyone liked the food. It's always a complement when people don't clear out to get McDonald's, people come back for seconds, and there's not much in the way of leftovers.

I have also discovered my behaviour gets somewhat manky during food preparation. I snapped at a couple of people, in fact I think I frightened one person. Though in fairness to me, pouncing on me to tell me they had some stuff I'd loaned them when I had my arms full of stuff, and then later trying to talk embroidery while I was up to my wrists in raw lamb threading kebabs was probably not the best move on their part. Still, I have made up a sign warning everyone I'm a manky bitch when getting food ready, so best to stay away unless I've asked for help (seriously, asking a person if they need any help every 10 seconds is not the best course of action).

But onwards, ever onwards, and on to planning the next feeding frenzy. This will probably be mostly Roman. The Romans had lots of cool finger-food, great for eating outdoors.

The state of my health

2009-03-25T10:02:44Z

Hi, everyone.

I can confirm, officially, that the fatigue, pain, dizziness etc I have been suffering for some time now is definitely fibromyalgia. On Monday I had an appointment with a rheumatologist, and he confirmed the diagnosis by prodding me all over, and noting where I said "OW." Which was pretty much everywhere. I kept yawning throughout the consultation, because I was typically weary, which again tied in. It's a relief to have it confirmed.

I need to stop drinking caffeinated beverages, which is going to be hard. I love my tea, and the occasional cup of coffee. I need to keep doing the hydrotherapy and the walking, and take low dose paracetamol several times a day to take the edge off the pain.

I was going to post this on Monday night, but on Monday, I ate some dodgy sushi for dinner and... you can probably work out the rest. At least I got to spend yesterday in my nice comfy chair watching Dragon Booster and patting Tilly.

Right now, I need to go and have a bath, because I had a hydrotherapy session this afternoon, and the smell of chlorine on my skin is starting to annoy me.

The Further Cooking adventures of Me

2009-03-14T10:33:24Z

(In which I have terrible trouble tracking down certain ingredients that would have been readily available in ancient Rome)

Today was our fortnightly Baronial cooking group, in which we continued our search for a dish involving carrots and no honey (honeyed carrots have been done to death at SCA feasts and they are BORING). We also made some egg and cheese cakes, and stuffed meatballs. We're doing a bit of a Roman theme so far this year. Most of our recipes come from Apicus, who really loved his food. In fact, he ate himself into such bad debt he committed suicide rather than face his creditors.

The carrots were cooked and served in a cumin sauce, and were extremely tasty. Apicus knew what he was talking about. The egg and cheese cakes were tasty, but need some more work, partially to get the recipe right, and also to figure out how to stop them from sticking to the dish. We made them a muffin tray, and they stuck to the tray badly. Admittedly, I was using an old, somewhat dodgy muffin tray.

The stuffed meatballs were also good, but led me to problems tracking down some of the ingredients. The meatball mix was pretty basic - pork mince, breadcrumbs soaked in wine, pepper, garum and myrtle berries, stuffed with pine nuts. However, you are supposed to wrap the meatballs in pork caul to cook them, and they are cooked in a wine product called caroenum. I have been looking for pork caul all over for about 2 weeks now, and I could find only one butcher who even knew exactly what it was, and he didn't have any. Apparently it's removed from the carcass before the butcher gets it. So we used eggs to bind the meatball mix.

It was on Wednesday night I realised that caroenum is basically vino cotto, a sauce made from reduced sweet wine. I was able to get some this morning... $47 for a 250mL bottle. GAH. It was, however, utterly delicious. Australian cooking guru Maggie Beer says vino cotto can be used as a sauce on icecream, and I'd agree with that, provided it was really, really good icecream. Maggie also sells vino cotto for half the price, but the shop I went to had sold out of hers.

The meatballs turned out well as well, only next time we are going to use more pine nuts, and replace the myrtle berries with currants, because they overpowered the dish (OK, we used juniper berries, but they are pretty similar). And we are thinking that prune juice would be an acceptable substitute for vino cotto, because even Maggie Beer's vino cotto would make for a coronary-inducing feast cost.

However, I've killed my coffee grinder. I was going for a Turkish grind, and blew the motor. Oh well, I've been thinking of getting a new one for a while. It really didn't grind all that well if you wanted fine. And also, I can't find my Sweets cookbook. There's a recipe in there for pine nut candy I'd like to make.

Pine nuts are YUM. So is vino cotto. Juniper berries, not so much.

Wheeeee... SPLAT

2009-03-11T11:07:37Z

I was going to post something much longer, but after cooking lots tonight and then cleaning up, all of a sudden I'm very, tired and should go to bed.

So, just a quick update. My health has gotten to the point where the GP has referred me to a rheumatologist for confirmation of the fibromyalgia diagnosis, and also for treatment. I see him on March 23. I'm also working reduced hours, because working a full 40-hour week is too much for me.

So there you go, very brief update like I said. And the Worshipful Company of Broiderers wanted to know how the Seecrut Project (with Badgers) is going - I'll have to update tomorrow. But now, bed.

Actually, first, another attempt to get the smell of chilli paste, beef, sesame oil, fish sauce, garlic and everything else off my hands.

WHY do I do this to myself?!

2009-02-27T10:57:56Z

You may all recall I have been expressing masochistic thoughts recently; namely, a desire to read Twilight just to see what it's like, but not wishing to spend any money to do so, not even the reservation fee at the local library. Incidentally, the fee has gone up to $1.10 now. It was only $1 when I read Eragon (and I couldn't get my dollar back either).

As it turns out, Magdalena, a fellow SCAdian, is starting her Master's in English Literature, and her thesis is examining vampires in popular culture. This means, she has large numbers of vampire novels and movies in her library. Including all four Twilight books.

So I borrowed them. Despite all the warnings, including Magdalena's ("they're so emo!").

It's... bad.

So bad, in fact, I'm not even sure I'll be able to finish Twilight, and a book has to be really, really bad for me not to finish it.

I really need to stop doing these things to myself.

Oscars 2009 - we know it's really all about the fashion

2009-02-24T11:06:00Z

I've missed blogging about the last 2 Oscars. The year before last, I was doing a turtle impression, and last year, I was still being a turtle, and suffering serious pain. This year, the turtle thing's receding, even if the pain isn't, and I am DETERMINED to blog about Oscar fashions.

There seem to be trends each year with fashions. Last year, for instance, was The Year of the Pastel Smudges, because just about everyone seemed to be wearing pastels. Unfortunately, this trend has continued this year. Along with the strapless dresses, which seem to me to be worn without enough in the way of accessories. Too many bare chests and dull ears; with an expanse of flesh, you need something to break it up. Especially if you aren't well endowed in the bust department, as most Hollywood women aren't. Some dresses tried to compensate with some pleating and bodice detail, and the results were somewhat hit and miss, I think.

There are a few certainties each year with what people will be wearing. For starters, it's a given Tilda Swinton will be wearing an Out There, unusual draped construction in a colour not for the faint hearted. But then, Swinton has such an androgynous shape and face, wearing anything more typical would look ridiculous on her, and she knows it. Furthermore, she has such dramatic colouring she can get away with shades that would make anyone else look like they'd either died six months ago or were about to have a heart attack. But this year, I'm slightly disappointed.

I can't think of anyone else who'd look good in that batwing top. It drapes so beautifully. But not even Swinton can carry that colour. I do wish she'd reversed and wore the black on top - there's actually very few people who can wear that much black so close to their face. The makeup is very un-Swinton like, but I like it.

---

One of the other great certainties about Oscar night is that Jennifer Aniston will have loose hair, and be wearing something black and unstructured. Yes, Jennifer, I know you have a long jaw, but that's no reason to be so boring with your hair. Reese Witherspoon also has a long jaw, and isn't afraid to wear her hair differently all the time. Try an up-do! Vary the length! Get some curl happening! And as for the black unstructured look, it's so boring. And it's become a uniform for you. It can't still be because Brad Pitt left you, you were doing it before then, and...

Bloody Hell.

Jennifer Aniston IS NOT WEARING BLACK.

And she LOOKS AWESOME (aside from the hair). The dress has a lovely shape, georgeous detailing, and it isn't black. I do wish she'd do something different with her hair, but hey, this is a million times better than her usual black.

---

I'm actually wondering whether the whole black-dress-as-uniform thing is Brad Pitt's influence, because I've noticed a certain uniformity of (lack of) colour creeping into Angelina Jolie's wardrobe lately. Now, I love Jolie's work as an actress, have done since Playing by Heart, and she seems like quite a decent human being as well. Any way you look at it, she's got to be one of the most physically beautiful women alive (maybe ever), and to me, has always had a classic style, while being quite unique and adventurous.
But this year...

Hair: stunning, beautifully dressed, showing off the bone structure and neck to perfection. Makeup: minimal, but then any more makeup on Jolie's face would be overdone. Her features don't need any help. Accessories: DAMMIT, I WANT THOSE EARRINGS.

Dress:.... love the cut. In fact, it's stunning. The bodice is perfectly cut, alluring without being trashy, and the skirt looks like she can move in it easily. But it's black. Blackblackblackblack BORING. I feel so sad when I see this dress, I think it's a wasted opportunity. I can't help imagining how this dress would look in a dark blue, especially with those earrings.

I really, really LOVE those earrings.

---

Usually, Jessica Biel is stylish and and georgeous. She gives Angelina Jolie a serious run for her money in the beauty stakes... but this year, WTF? True, my hair usually looks that messy first thing in the morning, but you try looking good after 4 hours of interrupted sleep (on a good night). But that's first thing in the morning. THIS IS THE OSCARS. Seriously, Jessica. Go check out Angelina Jolie. THAT is what you should be aspiring to, if you want well dressed, effortless looking hair. And while the colour does actually look good on you, WHAT is that tongue thing hanging down the front? Are you worried there won't be any towels in the ladies room or something? AND WHAT IS WITH THE BLACK ACCESSORIES WITH WHITE?!

---

Sarah Jessica Parker is supposed to be a style icon. Like Tilda Swinton, her clothing is usually Out There. But unlike Tilda Swinton, I don't mean that in a good way. SJP always looks Too Much. Take this year's ensemble. The love affair with puffy tulle skirts continues, and really, they only look good on those dollies you stick on the spare toilet roll to hide the fact it's the spare toilet roll. And I can't help wondering how many mosquito nets were sacrificed for that skirt. I do love the bodice decoration, but, SJP, speaking as a girl who is the (not really) proud owner of a DD-sized bust:

If you are going to wear a strapless top, make sure the bodice can accomodate your boobies. That much spillage doesn't look sexy, it just looks tacky.

----

Another person I absolutely love is Meryl Streep, as an actress, person and style icon. She can look so lovely, living proof to everyone that you don't need to starve yourself or botox yourself into a shop dummy to be beautiful. From other photos, I thought at first her choice this year was awful. But then I saw her next to Sophia Loren.

I still think the colour of Streep's dress is best described as eh. And there are better bodices out there. But the off the shoulder detail is sexy (and age appropriate) and the skirt drapes well; slimming and lengthening. And the sleeves are perfect for a woman over 50 - no matter how well you look after yourself, arms go crepey and saggy, so sleeves are a must.

And compared to Sophia Loren, she looks stunning. Sophia, that colour would look dreadful on anyone, let alone next to that much fake tan, and the skirt... One another thing. The heavy eye makeup and false lashes looked good 30-40 years ago, but not now. Check out the woman next to you for an idea of age appropriate, sexy dressing. Or better still, talk to Helen Mirren.

---

Speaking of age-appropriate dressing, Goldie Hawn really needs think about it, too. This dress ... well, it would have looked amazing on her 30 years ago, but that was when she was about my age. She looks incredible for her age, and is to be applauded for avoiding botox and punishing exercise regimes, but she is no longer my age.

Wear sleeves next time, Goldie, and maybe rethink the windblown hair. And note what I said to SJP - spillage of boobies is just revolting. At least SJP's spillage was sort of firm.

---

Marisa Tomei probably takes out the weird pleating award. Seriously, is there a direction where there aren't pleats? When you have that many different lines on a dress, you don't get any shape, you just get a mess. And check out that hem. Is it saying "TRIP HAZARD" in glowing, flashing letters to anyone else?

---
Evan Rachel Wood also has some unusual pleating happening, but unlike Tomei, Wood's pleating works, I feel. I rather like this dress, but for one fairly significant detail...

OH LORDY, THAT COLOUR IS BLAND. Wood simply does not have the colouring to wear a dress like this. Seriously, it's the same colour as her skin. That's never a good look, and her hair is too pale to provide enough contrast. Perhaps, if she had dark hair and dark eyes, it might work, but she doesn't, so the look just doesn't work.

(Incidentally, does anyone else think Wood's expression in this photo's a bit miffed? Maybe she realises she could have done better?)

---

You may be thinking, did dream_wind not like anything aside from Angelina Jolie's ear-rings? (which I seriously, SERIOUSLY covet, in case you didn't get that earlier.) Well, there were several outfits I thought were lovely.

For starters, Amy Adams. I covet her necklace almost as much as Angelina Jolie's earrings, and she has rightly kept the rest of the accessories to a minimum. A statement piece like that needs to shine by itself. And while I'm not too keen on the swath of red chiffon hanging from the bust, I adore her dress - the colour, the cut, the bodice detail (aside from that stupid chunk of chiffon).

---

I loved Mamma Mia, and here is Amanda Seyfried. She was bubbly and fun in the movie, and here she looks like she's ready to have a great time. She looks awesome and she knows it. The colour suits her so well, and the style suits her age. Normally, I'm not a fan of huge sash bows, but she pulls it off; she's young and sweet, and also the structure of the dress doesn't fight with the sash bow.

And how covetable is that necklace? I want it almost as much as I want Amy Adams', or Angelina Jolie's earrings. (No, I am not going to shut up about those earrings.)

---

Frieda Pinto's dress was unusual, but lovely. The colour, for a start, was stunning. And the beaded chiffon turned a rather plain cut into something ravishing. Team that with a smile that could illuminate Mumbai, clever accessories and hair that probably shines in the dark, you have a winner.

But thinking more of that amazing colour, here's Angelina Jolie again. How unspeakably awesome would her dress have been, if it had been the colour of Pinto's? Alas, I lack the photoshop skills to try, but I can replace the black with the blue in my mind, and it makes me want to cry even harder.

---

Anne Hathaway is someone I'm coming to love as an actress, person, and style icon. People talk about Hollywood glamour; Anne Hathaway has it. The cut of that dress is so simple, but creates such a great shape. And THIS is how you pleat, people. Even though the bodice and skirt pleat in different directions, they come together at a single point, subtly emphasising curves where they should and not going all over the place. A young woman with skin as pale as Hathaway's would normally look washed out wearing that colour, but Hathaway has the colouring to pull it off, and pull it off well. And seriously, how could anyone not covet Hathaway's lips? I LOVE that shade of red. But if I put it on, I look like I've got jaundice, and so do most women. Finally, note Hathaway's minimal accessorising. That dress is a statement, and sparkles by itself. Any jewellery other than the diamond earrings would just get lost.

---

And finally...

My pick for the winner of the fashion stakes, as well as the deserved winner of the Best Actress Award.

Kate Winslet.

I do love Kate. She can do funny roles, serious roles, scary roles, romantic roles ... and she's georgeous. While not starving herself into a skeleton. She also has a wonderful red carpet style. Admittedly, it's usually possible to predict what she'll be wearing, to a certain extent: figure hugging, asymmetrical one shoulder bodice, up-do with the hair. But hey, when you've got something that works, stick to it, and for Winslet it works well. Very, very well. And unlike Jennifer Aniston's uniform black or Penelope Cruz' uniform white (she did it AGAIN), Winslet's signature silouhette leaves a lot to play with.

Look at her. This is a woman dressed to be a winner. The cut emphasises she is all woman, without being vulgar. The hair is perfect, showing off a swan-like neck and bone structure I could kill for. The grey colouring would be severe, but for the black detailing, which breaks up the grey and provides emphasis to all the right places.

So, to sum up? Clear winner, both in awards and fashion, Kate Winslet, followed by Anne Hathaway. Honourable mentions to Frieda Pinto, Amanda Seyfried and Amy Adams (even with the swath of chiffon on the bust). Most improved, Jennifer Aniston. Most disappointing, Angelina Jolie. Best necklace, Amy Adams, just nudging out Amanda Seyfried. Best overall accessory, Angelina Jolie again, for those seriously covetable earrings. I just know I'm going to be scouring all the jewellery shops around the place looking for knockoffs of those earrings.

Well, that's it for my take on this year's Oscars fashion. Damn it was fun, and I hope to do it all again next year!

W000T!

2009-02-18T10:28:30Z

I'm happy.

In fact, I'm really, REALLY HAPPY.

I've paid off over half the mortgage!!!

Granted, I'm just $13 under half way, but still.

I hope this post has been a refreshing change from "I'm tired."

Urf.

2009-02-14T09:40:53Z

I have been meaning to do some Insightful posting on bushfires, and why we need to pay attention to the nutbags who say the Victorian abortion laws caused the bushfires. But these past few days, I haven't been sleeping well, and I'm too tired to compose insightful posts. They wouldn't come out insightful. And it's not even 9PM.

However, we re-started the baronial cooking group today, and made an AWESOME beef and bread stew. The carrot and leek dish needs some more work, but definitely has more potential than honeyed carrots.

I also had some black sesame snaps, which tasted rather like coffee.

Guess what? Victoria's bushfires were the fault of abortionists!

2009-02-10T10:09:45Z

I know all my Australian buddies are following the bushfire crisis in Victoria. And many of you overseas have watched the details in shock as well. But do any of you know what caused the crisis?

Well, after the media release from that fine, upstanding group Catch the Fire, we now know what has caused the devastation in Victoria. It's because the wicked, wicked parliamentarians in Victoria passed laws in October of last year to decriminalise abortion.

So, we all know what we have to do now, don't we? Every state in Australia must immediately act to ban abortions again. Then we can all be one happy, sin-free family. Australia will never be plagued again by bushfires, floods that drown half of Queensland, cyclones, storms that beach bulk carriers, economic disasters, and reality TV.

Of course, it will probably mean an increase in deaths due to backyard abortions. But of course, any woman who would resort to a coat hanger to kill her precious, precious baby should die anyway, no matter why she wanted the abortion in the first place. And there will probably be babyfarms where babies are abandoned to die in cellars again, but the children of mothers who would do such a thing are probably hopelessly corrupted, so it would probably be better if they died as quickly as possible anyway.

And true, there will be an increase in unwanted children, and with the current lack of foster carers, we'll probably have to open up state- or church-run orphanages again. True, children in such places might experience neglect and poor nutritional care. But I'm quite sure God will make sure that these places don't turn into new Nazareth Houses, Neerkols, Bindoons or similar. Because we will have saved these children from the terrible abortionists!

In case anyone is in any doubt, I am absolutely appalled that anyone would be so callous as to try and claim these bushfires are divine punishment. The God whom I chose to follow, who came to earth to tell us we need to love each other more (and was prepared to die for this message), would never act in such a way. Clearly, Pastor Danny doesn't know much about Victoria's history, or he'd know about Black Friday in 1938, which burned four times as much land and may have had just as bad a death toll. Seeing as abortion was totally outlawed throughout Australia back then, I wonder what that bit of "divine wrath" was all about...

I'd be willing to bet that Catch the Fire's 'abortion and pregnancy' counsellors are the sort of people who'd tell a teenage rape victim she'd be damned for considering abortion.

Curses

2009-02-09T09:40:07Z

Curses, curses, CURSES.

I just forgot Top Gear was on.

...

2009-02-07T21:47:47Z

Yesterday I had to go out to do various jobs. I took a 500ml bottle of water with me, was wearing loose, cotton clothes and a hat, and I still got dehydrated. A/C is all very well, but it's not much use if you have to go outdoors. It hurt to breathe. And we "only" got to 39 celcius - there were places less than an hour's drive from where I live that got to 46-47 celcius, making them officially the hottest places on the planet yesterday. It's going to be interesting to see how many people got admitted to hospital with heat stroke, because there were quite a few ~~idiots~~ people out playing cricket yesterday.

And this morning I woke to the news that much of the state of Victoria is threatened by bushfires. 25 are confirmed dead, and that figure is certain to rise. The township of Marysville, a popular tourist destination, is reported to have been wiped out. But because of continuing out of control fires, authorities can't get in to check out the damage. There are also several fires burning out of control in New South Wales, again, several within an hour's drive of me.

And in the ultimate irony, 62% of Queensland is flooded, and northern Queensland is going to get rain again. Most of NSW and Victoria haven't had any rain since the start of the year, while in parts of northern Queensland, it's been raining pretty much since before Christmas. If only we could lasso those rain clouds and bring them south. Then northern Queensland could dry out, and the rest of us could get some relief from the heat.

HOT.

2009-02-06T01:23:53Z

People.

Trust me on this one.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE LIVING IN OUR HEAT.

When I say it's hot, I mean the temperatures are in the high 30's / low 40's celcius. In Melbourne last week, even at night the temperature rarely dropped below 35 celcius. Aside from north Queensland, which is currently flooded, most of the country hasn't had any significant rain for over a month.

When it's cold, at least you can snuggle down in bed. Granted, you might have to pile on a few extra blankets. But at present, I can't throw off any more bed clothes, or my jammies, because I'm not wearing any. And I still can't sleep at night. Yes, I could get airconditioning, but there's the risk of blackouts because the power generation is overloaded. It's happened elsewhere in the past couple of weeks.

We would gladly take some of your cold, and give you some of our heat.