This post was prompted by two things.

First, the news that two girls have been expelled from an exclusive school for cyber-bullying. This can't erase the damage their vicious attacks have caused, but good on the school for acting promptly. I certainly hope this follows those two preshus girls wherever they go.

Second, this post from the from the ever awesome naamah_darling, about the horrific damage verbal bullying can cause, and I back naamah up 110% when she says that telling a victim to turn the other cheek is probably the worst thing you can do.

For whatever reason it occurs, bullying is wrong. Maybe you're jealous that some girl has sprouted breasts before you have. Maybe you feel threatened by someone's intellect or sporting prowess. Maybe your parents are divorcing, or your dog just died, and you need to lash out. Maybe it's hormones. Maybe you're being bullied yourself. Whatever. Don't care. The minute you strike someone who's done nothing to you, whether physically or verbally, with the express intent to harm that person, you have become a stain on society. And if you're a victim of someone else's bullying, more shame on you.

I was a victim of bullying throughout most of my school life, to the point where I still have intimacy issues and allowing people to get close. To say nothing of still trying to sort out my self-image and ideas of my own attractiveness. I have fond daydreams of dipping parts of my tormentors into hot oil, and I've often shocked people by saying there's about 5 people of my school year (out of about 120) that I wouldn't waterboard given the opportunity. No, I'm not kidding when I say that. Nearly 20 years later, the wounds inflicted are still very, very raw.

Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream, born of the frustration and despair that comes from being singled out as "different" and treated badly. But unlike King, my dream is not uplifting and inspiring. I dream of a huge complex enclosed by barbed wire, out in the middle of the Simpson Desert, where it's always unbearably hot during the day and very cold at night. All the buildings are made of corrugated iron, there's no air conditioning, and very basic amenities. And anyone, any age, any gender, is sent to this place when they bully someone else, for whatever reason and for whatever cause. Whether it be schoolyard bullies. Whether it be abusive spouses or parents. Whether it be nasty bosses. Whether it be men who think they can touch up women whenever they please. They can get let out once they have learned not to bully anyone, ever. Or until they are destroyed by someone else's bullying.

At least bullying is becoming more of an issue these days. School boards are implementing anti-bullying programmes, if only to be seen to be doing something, and it's becoming a media issue. But still, when 11 year olds are driven to suicide and parents feel it necessary to take schools to court for failing to stop the problem, it's clear we have a very, very long way to go.

I've thought a lot over the years about how to deal with bullying. Here's some of what I've come up with, and I will say again, you may find some of what I have to say extreme, especially my last recommendation.

Speak out.
If you're a kid, tell your parents and your teachers. If you're an employee, tell someone in authority at your workplace. If you're being abused by a spouse or parent, go to a hospital, where staff in many countries are required to report abuse (easier said than done... spousal/parental abuse is a topic for its own rant one of these days). If no one listens, tell the tabloid news - at least it's good for something. Keep evidence if possible and tell the police so you can take out a restraining order if necessary.

Find your passion, and pursue it.
Find something you are really, really good at, and pursue it with all your heart. It may not stop the bullying, but it will give you an outlet, bolster your self-esteem and help you love yourself.

Make friends with other victims.
If there are others around you who are being bullied, seek them out and make friends with them if possible. Maybe you think they are weird, or dumb, or whatever. But they are victims, just like you, and you can support each other. And solitary targets are easier to hit.

Don't become part of the problem.
Victims of bullying will often victimise others to try and regain some control. You do this, you make yourself worse than the one tormenting you. And yes, I am very ashamed to admit I've fallen into this category. If I ever see any of the people I lashed out at when I was younger, I hope I have the courage to say "sorry."

Find a support group.
It doesn't matter how "weird," "nerdy," "gay," "fat," "skinny" or whatever you are. With 6,000,000,000,000+ people in this world, there are people who will love you for you. Trust me. I've found them, even if it took me until I was an adult to do it.

Don't modify your behaviour.
If you are being bullied for loving drama or art or any "weird" activities, don't give them up just to make the bullying stop. It won't, and you'll have cut yourself off from something that gives you meaning. Similarly, don't pretend to like music, movies or clothes you don't like. And don't do drugs, or have underage sex, just to make people like you and seem cool. It won't work, and you could wind up with even worse problems.

Don't magnify your behaviour.
This is going to sound like I'm contradicting my last point. What I mean is, if you're being bullied, you may want to act even more strangely "just to show you can." I've done it. Don't make the same mistake. It just gives your tormentors more ammunition, and can give you a rep that drives people away.

And finally...

If you think physically fighting back will help, and you won't be badly hurt by doing so, then BLOODY WELL FIGHT BACK.
People don't commit crimes if they fear the consequences. And bullying IS a crime, make no mistake. If people in positions of power don't do anything, physical violence may be your only recourse. I'm not saying lash out at anyone and everyone. But if bullies are scared, they may stop. And if you get landed with an assault charge, make damn sure everyone knows why you did what you did. Note, I said "may stop." If you're being bullied by a gang, violence probably won't work. But there are cases where it does.

No, I was never violent. I sometimes wish that I been, if only to cause pain to those that were causing me pain. Anyone who thinks that violence can't possibly be a solution has probably never been backed into the corner where they contemplate it, or have been forced into it.

If you think I'm sick for suggesting violence could be a solution, then maybe you should think what has caused me to think this way. And I am not alone. I can think of several people who'd back me up on this one, who will scream "Preach it, sister!" when they read my last suggestion. And there are many, many people expressing the same idea in the articles/posts I've linked to.