I know all my Australian buddies are following the bushfire crisis in Victoria. And many of you overseas have watched the details in shock as well. But do any of you know what caused the crisis?

Well, after the media release from that fine, upstanding group Catch the Fire, we now know what has caused the devastation in Victoria. It's because the wicked, wicked parliamentarians in Victoria passed laws in October of last year to decriminalise abortion.

So, we all know what we have to do now, don't we? Every state in Australia must immediately act to ban abortions again. Then we can all be one happy, sin-free family. Australia will never be plagued again by bushfires, floods that drown half of Queensland, cyclones, storms that beach bulk carriers, economic disasters, and reality TV.

Of course, it will probably mean an increase in deaths due to backyard abortions. But of course, any woman who would resort to a coat hanger to kill her precious, precious baby should die anyway, no matter why she wanted the abortion in the first place. And there will probably be babyfarms where babies are abandoned to die in cellars again, but the children of mothers who would do such a thing are probably hopelessly corrupted, so it would probably be better if they died as quickly as possible anyway.

And true, there will be an increase in unwanted children, and with the current lack of foster carers, we'll probably have to open up state- or church-run orphanages again. True, children in such places might experience neglect and poor nutritional care. But I'm quite sure God will make sure that these places don't turn into new Nazareth Houses, Neerkols, Bindoons or similar. Because we will have saved these children from the terrible abortionists!

In case anyone is in any doubt, I am absolutely appalled that anyone would be so callous as to try and claim these bushfires are divine punishment. The God whom I chose to follow, who came to earth to tell us we need to love each other more (and was prepared to die for this message), would never act in such a way. Clearly, Pastor Danny doesn't know much about Victoria's history, or he'd know about Black Friday in 1938, which burned four times as much land and may have had just as bad a death toll. Seeing as abortion was totally outlawed throughout Australia back then, I wonder what that bit of "divine wrath" was all about...

I'd be willing to bet that Catch the Fire's 'abortion and pregnancy' counsellors are the sort of people who'd tell a teenage rape victim she'd be damned for considering abortion.